Should I send my pet goldfish Lou to college? If yes, to which one?

He is constantly in trouble: first he married, then divorced, then did not pay his fish support and became a deadbeat fish; then he started dating that fish, and then double dated her when we went on holiday to Mediterranean, and that fish appeared to be a piranha (we didn't know, as she used a lot of make up), and piranha found out about his double dating and became furious, and threatened us with violence. So, I thought maybe a college will sort him out, but what college? What majors?